It all started as a feeling of unrest. I’ve been a Christian since I was a child and while God has always been real, I have not always lived like God was the center of my world. My husband and I have a lovely little family, live in a lovely home and have all of our needs met. We lack nothing. By the world’s standards we have it all together and have it all.
However, I felt like I was always chasing after God but never really finding what I needed. I tried to do daily Bible study and wanted God’s will but was not always willing to listen and do what He wanted me to do. I was afraid of what God might “make me do” if I totally sought His face and obeyed. Eventually I realized that something in ME needed to change. I needed to put my faith in action. I was getting angry with my children for insignificant reasons and feeling very overwhelmed with being mostly stay-at-home mom and wife. I felt like I was drowning and though I was seeking God I was holding part of myself back.
God provided me with ample opportunities to let Him have all of me. Through the writing of many wise men and women, through time in Bible study, and through fellowship with other Christian women my heart is changing. I want to seek God. I want to know God. I want to obey God. I believe that when God puts a desire into your heart, He will give you an opportunity to fulfill it.
That’s where my four pennies come into play. After my first MOMentum meeting I went out to spend some time by myself have lunch, shop and have coffee. As I was walking around, I walked by a fountain where there were kids throwing pennies into the water. I overheard one of the kid’s mom say that she didn’t have any more pennies and it was time to go. It wasn’t a financial issue, just that they were out of change. I immediately thought back to the change I had gotten back from my lunch. For some reason, I paid with cash and for some reason, the cashier gave me back 6 dimes and 4 pennies. I felt like God was saying, “Give those kids your pennies.” I thought to myself, “This is crazy! Those kids don’t need my money. They are going to think I’m some crazy lady giving them 4 lousy pennies” and I walked right on by. I immediately knew that I had made a mistake. I could almost hear God saying to me “If I can’t trust you to say ‘Yes’ with 4 pennies, how can I trust you with bigger more important things?” Touche! I finished my shopping and then walked back over to the water fountain with my four pennies in hand. The kids were gone by then and I felt kind of silly just putting some pennies on the side of the fountain, but I did it. As I got closer I saw something splashing in the top tier of the fountain. There was a robin taking a little bath right in the fountain. He kept dipping down and coming back up splashing around. It made me smile. I felt like this was symbolic of my life right now.
God is cleansing me. He wants me to be a new person. He wants me to wash off the dirt and dust of my past and come out clean, willing to fully trust him and embrace his will for my life. He wants me to live radically. According to Jennie Allen in her book Anything, “He is wildly unpredictable, and learning to question and accept his ways is part of the journey of following an unsafe invisible God. He calls the shots on what happens to us in this short stint here. He calls them, whether we want to let him or not. Our faith must remain greater than our pain and our fears.”
Personally, thinking of God as “wildly unpredictable” is a lot scary (not a little!). I have created this little world where I am content and satisfied, but there is more. God has created us for so much more than living a safe and comfortable life. If Jesus is real and He died for me, my comfort should be the least of my concerns. So as for me on that warm sunny day I laid down my four pennies and my life down as a sacrifice.
God, I want to hear your voice. I want to obey your calling. I want to say YES, God, anything! Because any less would detract from who you are and who you created me to be.
Julie Mabus has been married to husband Mark for 6 years and is a mom to Camille (2 1/2) and Ezra (9 months). She attends MOMentum at our newest morning meeting in Julie is mostly a stay at home mom but works very part time as an occupational therapist. Julie enjoys gardening, canning, cooking, reading and art in general. Welcome to the blogging team Julie!
CedarCreek MOMentum exists to connect mothers in all seasons by encouraging and supporting them, while guiding their hearts toward Christ.
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