I don’t know why I doubt God’s love for me. Maybe it’s because my human brain can’t wrap itself around a perfect, unselfish love. Maybe it’s because I can see how evil my heart can be at times. Maybe the media and culture has drilled into me that no one can really love you all the time, no matter what. The thought of someone who knows all about me and still loves me unconditionally is absurd. How could you love me that much, God? Can’t you see inside my heart? Can’t you see how I doubt your goodness? How could You love me that much? I don’t deserve it, and I can never earn it. I certainly don’t feel like a treasure on most days, wretch maybe, but not a treasure.
“How great the pain of searing loss the Father turns His face away as wounds which mar the Chosen One bring many sons to glory.”
You died FOR ME. Tears fill my eyes as I picture Christ on the cross dying for my sins. In that moment He experienced the unimaginable: separation from God. I’ve experienced pain in my life: emotional heartache, sadness, and at times I’ve felt like I was at rock bottom, but I have never experienced separation from God. God is always there waiting for me, sin and all. Yet, when Christ was on the cross, God turned His face from Him. He allowed His son to experience utter loss and abandonment for me, a wretch.
“Behold the man upon a cross my sin, upon His shoulders ashamed I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers.”
I can still see Him there when I am embarrassed to have someone see me bow my head in thanks. I can see Him enduring my punishment as I decide that I would rather sleep than get up early to spend quiet time alone with Him. In those moments I am yelling that His sacrifice wasn’t that great, that my needs are more urgent, that I know best. In that moment, He is not only separated from God, but the one He died for is denying the need for His sacrifice.
“It was my sin that held Him there until it was accomplished. His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished.”
And yet He stayed on the cross until He conquered death. He stayed until Satan was defeated. I can feel the condemnation dripping away. He doesn’t judge me. He loves me. He took my sin and cast it as far as the east is from the west. How could I possibly doubt His love for me? How could I say that His sacrifice was not enough?
“I will not boast in anything: no gifts, no power, no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection”
I am forgiven. I am deeply loved. I am free. I am priceless to Him. Nothing compares to this gift I have been given. I should be shouting His praises every second of my day. Every breath I take should sing of His power and salvation to all who believe. Even if I lose everything I am still rich in Him.
“Why should I gain from His reward, I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart: His wounds have paid my ransom.”
I don’t know why He chose to love me. I don’t know why He wants me with all of my junk. I don’t know why He’s chosen to give me so much. But I do know I am free in Him. Satan has no power over me. I can claim His death and resurrection every second of every day. I can claim His sacrifice when I feel like I can’t fight one more battle with Satan. I am His child and greatly loved. There can be no doubt that He loves me more than I could ever imagine or deserve and I am forever grateful. I am loved wholly and unconditionally by the Creator of the universe, the Great I Am, the Everlasting Father.
How Deep the Father’s Love for Us – Stuart Townsend. ©1995 ThankYou Music
Julie Mabus has been married to husband Mark for 6 years and is a mom to Camille (2 1/2) and Ezra (9 months). She attends MOMentum at our newest morning meeting in Whitehouse. Julie is mostly a stay at home mom but works very part time as an occupational therapist. Julie enjoys gardening, canning, cooking, reading and art in general.
CedarCreek MOMentum exists to connect mothers in all seasons by encouraging and supporting them, while guiding their hearts toward Christ. Subscribe to our blog and never miss another post!